パパへ、(Dear Papa,)

 Dear Papa,

Today, at 7PM, I randomly searched my name on Google, and then I found your post about me on your blog. At first, I think it’s quite strange because I’ve never known that you have a word-press blog before (you only told me the blogger one!). After that, I clicked on that link and started reading your post—which was posted three years ago. That post was just a short one, but it reached me—it touched me, so bad.

And I cried. I cried a lot. 

I never know that you have that kind of worry to me, because you—never show it. You never talk about such a thing, and keep talking about those funny jokes instead. When you wrote that you’re worried about my study, my relationship towards people, my future… I really can’t imagine when, why, and how could you have a time to think about it all in between of your tight schedules? 

And I started crying again.

I cried a lot when you encouraged me through your post. Saying that I am going to be fine. I am going to break those walls of fear on my own. I am going to face every obstacles that are waiting for me. And I will get through all of these with a smile. And guess what, Papa? I might read this very late, but I did it. I’ve faced it all—my fears, my problems… I did it. 

I remembered that time, when we were on the way to the JLPT registration, I told you all things that bothered me; my future, my friends, my decisions, and you answered calmly that everything I’ve been worrying about, is a part of life, and that’s fine to have that kind of feeling. And, yes, you kept encouraging me for not giving up with things I want to do. I remember it all, until now. And that’s the power you’ve given to me, your first daughter.

And finally I reached the last paragraph of your post. You said that you’re not a very emotional person, and yes, I admit that hehehe :P But then, you said that all those worries that you’ve ever had to me, was not based on my vulnerability, but yours. Instead, you said that I am way stronger and more confident than you’ll ever be. And you asked me if I agree with that. 

No, Pa. It’s always been you who are the strongest. It’s always been you who work the hardest. I am nothing if I’m compared to you. And I am nothing without you as well.

But, Papa. I’m trying to be that kind of daughter, that kind of girl who is as strong and as confident as Mama. I’m still trying to be your pride. And I promise you, I will work harder. I really will.

I’m sorry if I complained a lot about lots of things… I’m sorry that sometimes I disappointed you… I’m sorry if I still can’t be as good as you want me to be… But after reading your post, it motivated me to do better and better. Not only for me, but for you, mama, and Karin too.

Papa, you always make me wants to watch those comic-book superheroes. You make me happy with those images, showing how the heroes beat their enemies. But, Papa. You also have to know that a father will always be his daughters’ biggest superhero even though you don’t have a shield like Captain America. A father will always be the most perfect man for his daughters—forever—no matter how old you are, no matter how big your daughters will be. 

Papa, please always be healthy and happy. If there’s something that bothers you, you know you have these three women that you always can count on, right? Let’s face those together, and we will be unbeatable! 

Thank you for always being someone that we can look up to. Thank you for always making us happy with all of your efforts you’ve given. Thank you for defending me and Karin when Mama is getting annoyed because of us :P . Thank you for laughing together with us, since I was born until I’m going to be 22 this year. 

And lastly,

Papa, thank you for being you. I love you so much.

Forever yours,

Dea.