It all started about six months ago, when this random dude added my account on a chatting application. He was very kind, and so funny. We talked a lot until he finally asked for my LINE id.
And without realizing, I started remembering how his name is written in 漢字 (Chinese characters), I started laughing while I staring in front of my phone screen, and so on, and so on... until I finally realized that I've been waiting my phone to ring everyday and seeing his name popped up to the screen.
"This is bad," I said to myself.
--
We kept being connected as the time went by. And I kept denying myself that I fell in love. Why I kept falling in love with words? Why my heart kept flustering when I heard his voice, which is miles away from me? How could I love it when he suddenly sent me pictures of what he's up to?
"We've never met, though," I assured myself for not being in love.
--
"Dea, I want to meet you. I like you,"
That day, in the middle of our night talks, he sent me those messages. Those two lines -- too simple yet too sweet. That's too "him".
I smiled but I also couldn't help holding my tears. These tears of happiness. This feeling when you both finally realized that your feelings are mutual.
"I like you too," I said."I love you but I can't express it," he replied."Me too, actually. And I'm sorry for that," I answered.
It took quite minutes for him to send me messages again.
"抱きしめていい?"
Out of nowhere, he said something like that. "Can I hug you?"
Gosh... my heart was filled with happiness yet it also ached because I know we never can hug each other for real.
--
There were lots of good memories that he made. He was the first one who greeted me in my birthday. He greeted me for three times. Isn't it just too cute?
I know, I know, it's just so cute and unreal. I remember how he suddenly called me for three minutes just to say, "Happy birthday, did you eat your cake yet?"
I remember all the giggles he made when we both said something wrong. I remember it all, and I'm happy that I can recall those memories when I open the chat room.
--
He's been with me for months. We've talked about almost everything; our school activities, a slight review about our family, about our favorites, our cultures... Thanks to him, I got to know lots of thing about Japan, and I got to practice daily Japanese conversation, even though my Japanese is still so-so.
--
He's a strong person, but also a fun one. Every week, he always rewards himself to buy something after a long week of school and his part-time job at the bar. I still remember how happy he was when he finally got a new pair of Nike sneakers.
"Dea, look! I got it! Finally! Ah, and, look! It's made in Indonesia!"
His voice on the voice memo was really heartwarming. I know I couldn't help smiling at that time.
--
"I want to protect my mom," he said.
I remember how serious his voice at that time, it made me didn't know how to respond.
"I hate my father. He left my mom," he continued, and I could hear him sighing.
I knew how hard it was to him, and being able to listen to his story was really special for me. I could see another side of him. That fragile heart behind that strong body.
"If I can fly to where you are now, then I would."
"Cmon. You know I'd do the same if that's possible," and then he laughed as it was nothing. I didn't answer, but I knew my heart was terribly warm at that time when he said that.
Oh, dear. I truly have fallen in love.
--
That evening when I was doing my group project outside with my friends, he called me.
"What's wrong?" I asked. He said nothing's wrong.
"I will be home very late tonight. So I want to hear your voice before a long night."
I smiled. I wanted to love him. I wanted to be with him forever. Did he feel the same way when he said that?
"Last night I talked with my customer. He said I've been talking about you way too much," he continued.
I couldn't help smiling so much, like an idiot. Like a kid who's just got her balloon.
"Oh gosh, that should've been a secret! てへぺろ~"
I giggled. He did too. After saying good luck to each other, he hung up the phone. My heart bursted. I was so happy. Those little and honest talks, were my everything. I'd never be able to forget that.
--
It was that night when we just sent messages as usual. All of sudden, he told me that he liked me.
大好き。
Its still clear in my mind. Those three characters plus that tiny dot.
私もだよ。
"Me too," I replied.
But then, we got silent.--
Since that day passed, out of nowhere, we don't send messages to each other anymore. I don't know what happened, but, the distance between us is getting bigger and bigger. No more calls, no more texts... I don't send him any messages anymore because I don't want to be a bother for him, who is trying to pursue his study and dreams.
I know we don't talk anymore but I hope, our story won't end like this. I still owe you something, which is meeting you in person. I want to meet someone who made my days became warm and full of sunshine.
Deep inside my heart, I do still love him until now. And still hoping to see his name pops on my phone screen again.
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