1.
People
I am 90% sure that you
know that being super fine to people is my biggest problem and my #1 common
thing that I’ve shared here in this blog. Trust me, I’m really bad on this. So
that’s why I made up my mind and tried to be a friendlier person so that I can
be acceptable in this society, especially in this campus.
And yes, that went very
well. People started to smile a lot at me, waved at me when we met, talked with
me in break time, and other normal things to socialize in general. Even so, I
still made some “space” to some people. Like, people that I’m not comfortable
with. But I still talked to them. You know, intermezzo.
The thing that made me
really pissed off was, those “people-that-I-don’t-hang-around-so-much”
were starting to get closer slowly. I was fine at first, but then they
started to be annoying, like, “Dea, can
you make an opening script for my team (even though you [me] are not in my
[their] team)?”. Or, “Dea, would you
like to do two of my assignments? I will pay you for $10 later. Please?”. I
even have experienced a creepy thing. One night, around 11pm, my door was
knocked by my friend at my campus. He was just like, “Dea, Dea, Dea…” He kept calling my name, but I didn’t answer. I
was too terrified to answer, I nearly cried at that moment. It was really
unexpected and terrifying! TT---TT
Like, what the actual fukc? My kindness will
be paid with me doing their assignments for $10?! No, no way. I will gladly
help you a bit but not making those assignments tho. It’s like, they look down
at me. They disrespect me. How could lazy and annoying and loud people like
them haven’t become extinct yet? Like, why you go to college if you don’t do
your responsibility?
I was (am) so done with
those kind of human. Like, really.
2.
Myself
To be honest, I often
talk to myself. I often share my problems with myself. I almost never tell my
problems except to people I am really close with. I believe, that I will be
able to overcome all things that happened to me—good nor bad. It’s my life, after all.
Unfortunately, I was (am)
seldom to share beautiful things that have happened in my life. I don’t know
but I feel like I preferred to complain about the things that made me pissed. I
judged everyone (silently) if the group projects didn’t go as planned, and it
dragged me to hatred. I became mad (silently) when my plans didn’t work as what
I wanted because of the conditions. And most of it, I often blamed myself when
everything went wrong, just like when I got unsatisfying score, when I fell
from motorcycle, when I failed… I always felt that it’s all my fault (I still
think so).
It made my mind becoming
way more skeptical, dirtier, and… negative. I often see everything from the
negative side instead from the positive’s. It made me hurting myself slowly
from the inside. Made myself to feel that I’m not worth this life. Made me want
to kill myself because my soul never get positive energy.
I made myself weak. And
when I said I nearly killed myself, trust me, it happened.
***
How
to Deal with It
They said, every problem
has its own cure. And for me, these things can lead me (or even you!) to get
out from those “most-common-problems”.
So, take a look!
1.
Get
Out
From now, whenever I feel
like I want to kill someone or having a terrible headache because of study or
people, I will grab my motorcycle key and go outside alone. I often go to my
favorite bookstore, or spend 3 hours at my favorite café—reading my unfinished
Hercule Poirot’s series. I also sometimes go to cinema to watch newest movies
alone. Being alone is sometimes (often for me! Lol) the best medicine when you
are in the bad mood. It is way better than you look for random people to listen
to your shitty problems. Trust me, they don’t care!
If you don’t like hanging
around with yourself, you can spend a good time with your best friends, or
those who have your trust. Like, having a chit-chat together, or even go to a
karaoke bar! It’s fun, and karaoke-ing is really a stress-reliever! XD
Well, that’s my first
advice. You need to get a fresh air outside your gloomy dorm.
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